The Pain Lethargy
What is pain really if not an out of body sensation?
Here you come again to pierce my veins for another collection of blood
I wish my veins will tell you to stop
But, c’mon, go ahead
Take from me again while leaving a prickling of pain
"You are a strong girl," you say
I smiled at you noncommittally
You checked my knee again, and poked at it
You examined it with your two hands
Moving it this way and that while I swallowed the pain.
Again.
"You’re really a strong girl, is it not painful?" You asked
"Oh, am I meant to cry out or something?"
Of course, I didn’t ask you this, it’s just a question that comes to my head whenever I’m asked that
Just like when the physiotherapist asked me once "how are you?"
And I replied with I’m fine because it was the automatic response
"If you’re fine what are you doing here? You’re in pain, what’s your level of pain right now?" He asked
I looked at him blankly because I had no answer to that question
My attending doctor asked me weeks later to describe my ailment to him and I did
He looked at me with doubt for a while before coming back to himself
You see, this is why I go with "I’m fine" whenever asked about my pain
I’m a writer, I can’t help but be so descriptive with my pains it sounds unreal because it is too real
To let you really understand how I feel, I have to let you know that sometimes the bones within my knee melts like butter and I find myself in the middle of the road unable to move while people try to help me
And oh, I have to ask, is humiliation part of the pain I am meant to feel on this journey?
How can you only be concerned of my physical pains while my mind and soul goes on sabbatical leave and dive deep into the hades?
Please don’t call me strong girl for I am barely hanging on by a thin thread
So go ahead and take the blood and do all the poking
Just get it over with so I may go back to my reading.
