THE BRAIN JOLT

It was on a sunny day, on a Friday morning.
January 15th of 2016. A day I'm likely never to forget; for that was the day I died to be born anew or maybe I should say that was the day I stopped living to die but started living for me. Let me share with you the story.

I was on my way to see my boyfriend in another state; we've had some struggles in our relationship and I was going to see if it's something we could salvage or just let it go. Keep in mind that I was recovering from some sort of malaria so I was still feeling a little bit wobbly but nothing serious that I couldn't travel, even mother okayed the travel. But I guess I wasn't okay as I thought because a few minutes after the bus I boarded left the car park I started feeling queasy and nauseous. I was praying at the back of my mind that it shouldn't turn out to be anything serious because I have to tell Tola today. I just have to.

I must have dozed off for a while because when I took cognizance of my surroundings we were almost at where I would alight. And that was when it happened, that was when the angel of death came to embrace me and take me home. A cold, slimy feeling came over me and I became so light that if someone had yawned beside me I would have been blown away. So I knew. I knew that finally I would be getting my rest, the rest I've been craving for the past 15 years of my miserable existence on earth. But no it won't be a smooth ride to the other side for me.
There's a saying that when death is staring at you in the face your life flashes at you, the life you've lived(or not lived in my case) just swims in front of your eyes. My memories went way back to when I was little. I saw part of my life I don't want to ever remember because of the pain in that season, I saw part of my life that I continue to find hard to believe even till this very moment because of the Hollywood effect(because who would believe me if I tell them I once saved some people from dying in a car accident and I was only 8 years old?). And then I saw part of my life I didn't even know I lived, which remains painful to this very day.

He was one of my many relatives. It was during the holiday season so I guess I was at his house for the holiday. I could only see him and I in the house and I could hear no voices aside from ours which was odd because he was supposed to be together with his wife at their shop and I was supposed to be with his kids wherever.
I really can't remember the details of what happened now but I heard him telling me to remove my dress and when I didn't comply immediately because I was confused, he removed the dress himself and fondled my flat chest. That was when I knew what was about to happen to me. Again. It never seems to stop, almost like everyone wants to get into my panties, and this time around it was worse because I thought I was safe with this particular relative.
Why death chose to remind me of this particular scene in my life just when I was about to tell Tola our relationship might be dying because I'm tired of him wanting to get into my pants at every chance is beyond my understanding.
"Last bus stop gbogbo ero" the voice of the bus conductor brought me out of my trance, I wiped the tears I didn't know I was crying off of my face and opened the car door. Immediately I alighted I moved to the road side to vomit because of the despicable act I just remembered. When I was done I hailed a bike to Tola's hostel.
He was on the bed with his friends seeing a movie on his laptop when I entered his room, he was rising up to greet me when I told him "Tola please get me a bucket I need to vomit" I must have sounded urgent because he dashed into the bathroom to get me what I needed.
His friends greeted me and left as he gave me the bucket. "What's wrong babe, I thought you were getting better" He asked me rubbing my back as I continue to retch
"I don't know Tola, I'm tired. I'm so tired I just want to sleep" I replied him, almost crying.
"Okay, come lie down a bit" He said, turning me towards the bed.
"No Tola, I really want to sleep this time around" I looked him in the eyes hoping my eyes could convey the message I couldn't put into words. I saw understanding dawned in his eyes for he knew most of my struggles with existing, and he said "Babe no"
"Please Tola"
"No!" He said vehemently "what will I tell your parents happened to you if you die here. You know what, let me call your mum"
"Please don't call her, I just want to sleep"
"Babe you can't sleep here, what would happen to me, what will I tell your dad and mum. Stand up let me call a bike for you so you can be going home. I can't let you sleep here"
I didn't realize then what I was asking of him was selfish and impossible, all I knew was he was denying me of what I've wanted most in my life.
To cut a long story short, I survived January 15th of 2016. I really do not know why I'm telling you all this 6 years later, but I think I'm feeling sleepy again. I'm tired, I'm so tired of all these memories trying to swamp me and I don't know what to do with them. God please I just want to sleep.

My name is Ajani Oluwatomisin and I think I'm going to take a nap now. A good thing I am in my room, in my parent's house this time around.