So Lost a Soul
A poem of the helpless…
I found Wande swinging by a rope tied to our ceiling fan
I stood at the door entrance for what seemed like seconds but was really more than an hour
My eyes remained glued on her face, on what death had done to it
Her eyes were wide open, bulging out of their sockets, they seemed to be pointing an accusatory finger at me
Her mouth was agape, it seemed to be on the edge of a scream
The rope on her neck was wound tight I could almost feel the tightness of it heavy on my throat.
I wish I had screamed immediately I saw her
I wish I had not frozen up
I wish I had rushed to her aid immediately I entered our dorm room even though I knew it was a lost cause by then
I wish I had stayed back for the 4pm lecture even though it was meant to be 2pm class
I wish I had accepted Chibuzor invitation to come chill in his room
I wish I had stayed back at the dorm that morning when Wande refused to stand up from the bed
I wish I had received some divine knowledge telling me how the day would end
I wish I had never met Wande at the beginning of the semester.
It is now seven months after I found Wande swinging by a rope tied to our ceiling fan
Seven months of sleepless nights and loss of appetite
Seven months of seeing four different therapists before finally accepting I can't outlive my last image of Wande
That image changed me
I don't know if it planted a seed in me or it watered the seed long buried
I don't know if my life was leading to this very moment or if Wande happened to me
But I won't be going like Wande
I have secured my father's sleeping pills and my mother's knitted blanket
I won't be suffering the agony I'm sure she went through at that last minute
I won't suffer anyone to find me the way I did Wande
I don't know where my final rest will be yet but it won't be where to be found by my loved ones.
Hello beautiful reader, I experience a bit of an heartbreak writing this because the image was so clear in my head. I didn’t want to write this at first but my mind wouldn’t shut up.
I guess I am just trying to apologize should this makes your heart break a little and I hope it doesn’t deter you from giving me your 50 wondrous claps.
Thank you for reading my words once again, till next time.
