MARITAL ABUSE….It’s your fault, you made me do it.
I grew up in an abusive environment, and I don’t mean my parents being abusive but the society/community in which I was born and raised. I grew up thinking it’s a norm for husband and wife to have an altercation in the public. I thought it was part of what made them "them".
I had a rethink when the altercation started resulting to blows and tearing of each other’s clothing. I thought to myself "of course, this can’t be normal, why are they hitting each other and giving threats of death?" But what was more fascinating to me was the fact that none of them seem to be at fault, it’s always the other party at fault. You will hear the husband replying to the wife’s accusations of him being a cheat with something like "if you still remain as petite as I met you and not like this fat pig only after giving me 3 sons maybe I won’t find another woman attractive". It really didn’t mean much to me then for I was much younger.
And it has made me come to the realization that we humans don’t like owning up to our faults, especially if we grew up around those that don’t like owning up to theirs either. It becomes a kind of cycle that we find hard to break from. We must always find someone or something to blame. Did we forget to take out the trash before leaving for work? Of course, it’s not our fault, it was due to the rush hour. Did we forget to attend a child’s PTA meeting? That isn’t our fault either, why can’t the school remind us hours before it takes place and not a day before. We lack accountability, always giving excuses to suit us.
Meanwhile, these kind of attitude shape the man or woman we become later in life. Could it be that all the issues we’ve managed to convince ourselves it’s the other’s party fault is actually ours? Could it be that we only need to look to ourselves for our faults and not try to pawn it on another, could it be that beneath it all we are the problem of our problems and we could end it all only if we would take responsibility of it?
Could it be we are the solutions we are looking for?…….
